Limericks of Lizzy (or Get This Bunny Out Of My Head)
by Julianabr
Summary: I'm not sure what this wants to be when it grows up. But for now, it's a few limericks on the key plot points of P&P. Is this a spoof? Is this a serious attempt? Should I make it dirty (as limericks are wont to be)? I have absolutely no idea. I thought I'd just throw it out there. Rated T for the time being to give myself some room.
1. Netherfield Park Is Let At Last

A/N: _I'm not sure what this wants to be when it grows up. But for now, it's a few limericks on the key plot points of P&P. Is this a spoof? Is this a serious attempt? Should I make it dirty (as limericks are wont to be)? I have absolutely no idea. I thought I'd just throw it out there. And I'm open for stanza suggestions. I can give other writers credit for their stanzas in footnotes. __Rated T for the time being to give myself some room._

_I published this a few hours ago, and already I've made a bunch of changes. So this represents a different and updated chapter 1._

* * *

**CHAPTER ONE: Netherfield Park Is Let At Last**

Universally acknowledged, the truth:  
A single man still in his youth,  
Has good fortune in life?  
He's in want of a wife!  
Austen's gospel, I say, forsooth.

Let us meet the souls in our tale.  
The Bennets, from Longbourne they hail.  
They've five daughters in tow,  
"Must marry, don't you know!"  
Mrs. Bennet often would wail.

The Missus dedicates her life  
Each daughter she must make a wife  
To stay out of hedgerows  
When Mr. Bennet goes  
"Oh, my poor nerves fill me with strife!"

Father's an intelligent man  
Hiding out whenever he can  
Youngest girls are so silly  
His wife's nerves willy nilly  
But much love he has for his clan

Of the daughters Jane is the first  
So much beauty, won't she just burst?  
She is loving and shy  
Just as sweet as plum pie  
Of people she'll ne'er think the worst

Next is our favorite, Miss Lizzy  
Reading keeps her mind quite busy  
"I will marry for love!"  
"I do swear, Lord above!"  
Her wit makes most people dizzy

Somber Mary is next in line  
Simple Kitty giggles behind  
Young Lydia, she's the flirt  
Twaddle, she likes to blurt  
"I must have my way!" she does whine

Two young men to Netherfield come  
Attend party in Meryton  
Charlie's smile, sweet and bright  
Darcy broods from great height  
Their fortunes decidedly plum

Charles spies Jane across the big room  
Right away his heart goes, "Boom! Boom!"  
"Jane, shall we take a spin?"  
_Oh, her heart can I win?_  
An offer, the townsfolk assume

Charles asks, "Darcy, please take a twirl."  
"There's Lizzy. She's quite a fine girl!"  
Darce refused her a dance  
He sure missed his chance  
Now fine eyes have his mind in a whirl

Lizzy thought Darcy too proud  
"Not tempting," he said, right out loud  
Our dear Lizzy was near  
The vile slur she did hear  
"Ne'er dance with him!" Lizzy avowed


	2. The Proposal At Hunsford

_A/N (1/14/14): I think I'm changing this story to be a collection of oneshots that hit key scenes. I think if I do the full narration of the story, it will get dull. I also decided to focus more on thoughts and speech, trying to pull distinctive words from Austen's text. I'm still not married to a real style, but I've tried to inject some humorous thoughts for Lizzy and Darce._

_I'm going to be doing these out of order, as the mood for a scene hits me. When I've hit my limit, I might put them in the right order as a separate story or something._

_**NEW A/N (1/15/14): I have added the rest of the proposal scene to this chapter instead of posting as a new one. I had been stuck in one stanza, but shout-out to user 'coastercrazed' who came through with an elegant solution (you'll see the credit below).**_

_**The new verses begin with coastercrazed's addition with the line, "Mr. Darcy you're mistaken..."**_

_**And here we go!**_

* * *

**The Proposal at Hunsford**

Through the door of Hunsford he blew.  
"In vain, I've struggled. It won't do!  
"Ardent I am feeling,  
"Your eyes have me reeling!"  
He shouts, "I admire and love you!"

Astonished beyond expression,  
Lizzy could not even question.  
She coloured and stared,  
Doubted,_** I **unaware?!  
How did his love miss detection?_

With love, Darcy's no proficient.  
Thinking her silence sufficient,  
Encouragement felt real.  
_I'll avow all I feel!_  
But abusing love's not efficient.

His struggle, he wished to explain,  
All obstacles he overcame,  
"Degradation to me,  
"Lower station you be,  
"Matters not, in face of Love's flame!"

"No dowry you have to be paid.  
"You have low connections in Trade!  
"Want of propriety  
"When in society;  
"Your family's too crude, I'm afraid."

_Of what is he thinking, this dolt?  
How long must I stay ere I bolt?  
My dislike, deep-rooted!  
Oh, can't he be muted?!  
Or I fear my bile will revolt!_

"Dearest, so strong my love for you,  
"When reason screamed, 'Bid her adieu!'  
"Despite my endeavours  
"My feelings to sever,  
"My heart fought my mind and came through!"

"In cases like this, if I may,  
"The established mode should convey  
"A sense of obligation  
"For sentimental oration."  
"But gratitude I cannot pay."

"I would thank you, but I cannot.  
"Your good opinion I ne'er sought.  
"Sorry to pain anyone.  
"Most unconsciously done.  
"Be of short duration, it ought."

"Feelings that have long prevented  
"Your regard to be invented,  
"Your rationale, in sum  
"Will help to overcome  
"The love you have represented."

_Phew! Maybe he'll now go away.  
He's not moving! Why does he stay?!_  
On the mantel he leaned  
With resentment he gleamed  
_I must keep my anger at bay!_

"Your reply, only this drivel?!  
"No endeavour to be civil?!  
"Why? I would like to know,  
"I am rejected so?!"  
_Be damned if you think I'll snivel!_

Replied she, "I might well inquire,  
"Why so evident a desire  
"To insult and offend,  
"Claim the love you pretend  
"Against what will, reason aspire!"

"I have other reasons in mind."  
_Besides my character maligned._  
"I'm angered with your pride!  
"Lovers you did divide!  
"Misery, the acutest kind."

_Let us see what that pompous prat  
Shall say is his answer? The brat!_  
"I've no wish to deny  
"Charles from Jane I did pry.  
"To him I've been kinder, at that."

_That jerk! I have barely begun!_  
"Against Wickham, what have you done?  
"To poverty reduced!  
"Misfortune you've produced!"  
_Take that, you fool! Just try to run!_

"And this, your opinion of me?!  
_In low estimation, I be._  
"At this calculation,  
"My faults, in summation,  
"I see are quite heavy indeed!"

_Who does she think she is? He thought.  
Justify myself? I shall not!  
What a bitch is this girl!  
I'm nephew to an earl!  
Put her in her place, as I ought._

"My offenses ignored, maybe,  
"If I flattered and called you, 'Baby!'  
"Impelled by reason pure,  
"Sang odes to your allure,  
"And hid all my struggles daily."

"I abhor disguise, I will own.  
"No shame in the feelings I've shown.  
"They were natural and just!  
"Your relations disgust!  
"Decidedly beneath my own."

"Mr. Darcy, you're mistaken,  
"If you thought your declaration  
"Deserved my perusal.  
"Please hear my refusal.  
"Gentlemanlike you have never been." -_ - - (courtesy of coastercrazed)_

"The offer you could not have made  
"In any possible way  
"For me to be tempted,  
"Your hand, to accept it."  
_**Now** maybe he will go away._

He did flinch as she threw her words.  
He could not believe all he heard.  
_I am incredulous!  
Mortified, overplus!_  
His astonishment was well stirred.

"From the very first moment, you see,  
"Your poor manners impressed to me  
"With the fullest belief  
"In your arrogance! Conceit!  
"Immovable dislike took seed!"

"Such great dislike did I carry,  
"In yet a month I was wary  
"You're, in the world, the last guy –  
"Very last man! – whom I  
"Could be prevailed on to marry."

For a moment the silence reigned.  
To each their own thoughts they remained.  
Darcy took a breath in  
_There's no way I can win_  
He spoke (his countenance pained),

"You have said quite enough, madam.  
"Comprehend your feelings, I can.  
"I'm now only ashamed  
"For the feelings I named.  
"Forgive me," he said. Then he ran.

* * *

_**A/N: I've got a question for you grammar gods and goddesses. I thought I remembered the rules for quotations spanning paragraphs were as follows:**_

_**If a quotation extends to a new paragraph with the same speaker speaking, you do not use quote marks on the last line at the end of the paragraph. You then place quote marks at the beginning of the new paragraph. This way you can distinguish if it is the same speaker or a new one.**_

**_Does that sound right? I'm treating each new line as a new paragraph. Please PM me if you have thoughts._**

_**On to happy thoughts...**_

_**Thank y'all for your kind reviews and attention! This began as a self-indulgent word puzzle exercise and I never expected to entertain anyone but myself. I still don't know exactly where this is going, but I am pleased to have some friends along for the ride. :)**_

_**So I've been thinking (dangerous, I know), would it be more amusing to churn out small one or two stanzas that summarize a specific snapshot of time in the story in a humorous way? What I've been doing so far is focusing a lot on dialogue and following the story closely. I wonder if my current style makes reading all those stanzas kind of tedious?**_

_**Does the world really need an epic poem based on P&P, written entirely limmerick form? I could always say it's my statement of post-modern irony. Or not. :)**_


End file.
